I've been thinking an awful lot about time lately. How it flies. When it stands still. All the cliches.
My daughter is about to reluctantly complete her freshman year of college (she doesn't want it to end), and I swear we just moved her into that tiny dorm room yesterday. My son will be a high school senior in less than a month, but didn't he just conquer middle school? How is it that the nephews whose diapers I changed (sorry for that visual dose of reality guys) are now married and raising adorable little families of their own? Seriously, this circle of life thing is so very surreal.
In my mind, I am still 28 years old.
My husband and I recently celebrated our 28th wedding anniversary, so you do the math (hint: I'm NOT 28). We have now officially lived more of our years together than apart. We went from college graduates, to young urban professionals (does anyone still say "yuppie?"), to married with children, to the brink of empty nest in the blink of an eye. That hashtag #dontblink is #forreal.
It's starting to feel like the two of us are in the front car of a ginormous creaky wooden roller coaster that has steadily clicked its way up the precipice of its tallest peak, with about one fourth (maybe less?) of the mountain left to climb. We all know what happens once the car teeters over the top — whooooooooosh. It's a lightning speed descent that leaves your stomach in your throat, kinda choking back simultaneous laughter and fear, grasping onto each other and the lap rail for dear life. Equal parts terror and exhilaration. Life "over the hill."
Time warped for me last week as I Skyped with my daughter's birthmother for two lovely hours. Truly, it felt like 15 minutes and we both could have easily lingered well into the afternoon, had I not an appointment to get to. While maintaining continuous contact via snail and email over the years, this was the first time we'd "seen" each other in 18. It was literally like stepping back in time. Every bit as charming and chatty as she was the day we met, she remains my hero, the one who gifted me motherhood (my lifelong desire). My heart will forever be intricately linked with hers in a way that words fail to describe, and it somehow feels like I've always known her. I would not be who I am today had our lives not been blessedly knit together 19+ years ago. Our relationship, to me, feels timeless.
And then just yesterday time stopped. In the worst way. In the "oh dear God, no" way that leaves you numb and aching and fervently praying for those who have to somehow carry on in the face of unspeakable tragedy. Four sweet young lives from our local community were snuffed out in one devastating car accident, with a fifth young lady hanging on in critical condition. An entire college campus (and well beyond) faces aftershocks of anguish and disbelief today after an evening of tearful, prayerful vigils. I'm not sure who coined the phrase "time heals all wounds," but I am certain it's no balm today. Not for these raw souls.
I, for one, am clinging to our Abide assigned passage for this week:
"The time is near when all things will end. So think clearly and control yourselves so you will be able to pray. Most importantly, love each other deeply, because love will cause people to forgive each other for many sins. Open your homes to each other, without complaining. Each of you has received a gift to use to serve others. Be good servants of God's various gifts of grace. Anyone who speaks should speak words from God. Anyone who serves should serve with the strength God gives so that in everything God will be praised through Jesus Christ. Power and glory belong to him forever and ever. Amen." (1 Peter 4:7-11)
My husband frequently asks, "where do you see yourself in five years?" to which I always respond, "No clue. I'm a day-to-day kinda gal." Not a single one of us is promised tomorrow. But this crazy, surreal, sometimes tragic circle of life, when surrendered to Jesus Christ, transforms into eternal paradise. In that truth we can all find hope. Time and time again.
really love you.
I really enjoyed every word of this. I would be lying if I said was not thinking about the young ladies at UGA and their parents almost every day. Hope all is well at home, we are overdue for our monthly couples dinner
Laura, your words as always are beautiful and thought provoking xx
Wow Laura. You should write more often! Or maybe you do and I have just been missing out. Very well said. That's some powerful truth right there.
Love this Laura! Such a gift! :)
No comments posted.